Tristan's Boredom
by Tunisa
Summary: What happen when the flirtacious Tristan gets bored? Nothing good, i can tell you that much...Tristan bashing! shonen-ai, and yaoi, just to warn you!Please R+R!
1. The Brush Off

Tristan's Boredom  
  
Ch.1 the brush-off Disclaimer; I do not own the Yu-Gi-Oh characters. Kokoru: no. She doesn't Tunisa: they get the point without your help! Kokoru: *raises eyebrow* are you sure? Tunisa: *nods* positive. Kokoru: *shrugs* Warnings: if you really like Tristan, you probably shouldn't read this.also shonen-ai, sap, that stuff Tunisa: that's about it Kokoru: then start the story Tunisa: stop telling me what to do! Tristan sat alone on the couch at home. "I'm bored," he stated aloud to no one but himself. Then he thought, maybe I can go over to Ryou's. We're practically dating after all. He stood up, put on a jacket and his helmet, and went out to his motorcycle. ~ ~ ~ Ryou pushed play on the VCR and collapsed onto the sofa next to his darker half, snuzzling [1] him slightly as he did so. Tonight had been Bakura's night to pick the movie [2], and Ryou suspected it would contain a lot of gore and bloodshed. Not really his type of movie.Ryou had a feeling that Bakura only chose this sort of movie to get Ryou close to him.  
  
The snow-haired boy cringed, suspicions confirmed, as within the first 15 minutes someone's head was sliced clear from their shoulders. Bakura noticed and smirked, instantly putting his arm around his light, and giving a protective little squeeze. Ryou smiled softly and shook his head, but gratefully cuddled into the warmth anyways.  
  
Just as the two were getting comfy-cozy, there was a knock at the door [3]. Bakura, obviously annoyed, muttered a harsh statement under his breath. Ryou sighed and stood up, a bit sleepily, to answer it.  
  
He opened the door and blinked his brown doe eyes at the visitor, immediately blushing at the brunette's greeting  
  
"Hey, beautiful."  
  
Ryou chuckled softly, trying to ignore the blatantly spoken comment. "Hello, Tristan. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was thinking, maybe, I could.come in?" He asked, rather hopefully.  
  
"Well-" he had started, but was quickly pulled behind the door.  
  
"Get rid of him!" Bakura, who had obviously heard everything, whispered angrily. "I will not allow that pointy-haired freak to have a 'booty call' [4] with my aibou!"  
  
"Don't worry so much!" Ryou explained. "I wasn't going to let him in. Just give me a minute." Bakura nodded and crept back to the couch. Ryou reopened the front door. "I'm sorry Tristan. We're busy right now."  
  
"We?"  
  
"Me and Bakura."  
  
"Busy?" Tristan frowned.  
  
Ryou sweatdropped. "Hentai! We happen to be watching a movie at the moment."  
  
Tristan gave a little sigh. "Oh, I was just hopping we could.talk."  
  
Ryou easily noticed the hinting pause. "I'm sorry, but I have to go in. Bye!" he closed the door before Tristan had said his farewells. A breath of relief escaped him. The lovable little bishie [5] walked up to his yami and raised his eyebrow at him.  
  
"What?" Bakura questioned.  
  
Ryou gave him a rare smirk. " 'Booty call'?"  
  
"Well," he began defensively, but Ryou put a finger to his darkness's lips, bringing silence [6]. Bakura gently pulled his hikari onto the couch, lightly kissing him on the forehead. Ryou nuzzled against Bakura and they continued to watch the movie. [1] snuggling + nuzzling =snuzzling [2] assuming that they have some kind of movie night, where they take turns picking a movie to watch [3] curse him for ruining the fluffy moment! [4] not mine.? I think I got it from some where. [5] yes he is ^_^ [6] other than the movie noise Kokoru: *looks up* that's a lot of footnotes Tunisa: so. Kokoru: nothing. Tunisa: *stares at Kokoru then quickly shakes head* any way. 


	2. The Carrot

Ch.2 carrot Disclaimer: I would probably lose my sanity (or what little there is of it left) if I owned these characters. So I proudly state that yu-gi-oh is not mine. I do not want to own them Kokoru: sure, that's what you want them to think. Tunisa: *thinks* pretty much, yeah Kokoru: *sweatdrops* Warnings: same as last except no sap (I think) *scratches chin* I can't think of anything else Kokoru: what's with the title? Tunisa: don't worry about it, the title won't make sense till the end of the chapter, so start reading already!  
  
Tristan shoulders slumped, but almost instantly perked as he thought, Hey! Joey and me can go out and do something! He hopped onto his bike and rode over to Joey's.  
  
He got there quickly and knocked on the door. There was no answer, but the noises inside gave hints of life. He knocked again. This time Joey poked his head out [1]. The blonde smiled, "Oh, hey, Tristan! I'm kinda.busy right now. Can you come back later?  
  
Yugi's voice echoed to the door. "Come on Joey! Hurry up!"  
  
Joey yelled back, "Just a minute, Yuge!"  
  
"What are you doing in there?" Tristan asked suspiciously.  
  
"Nothing.um, I have to go. Bye!" Joey pulled his head back inside and closed the door.  
  
Tristan heard an odd groaning sound then Joey saying, "It's not fair! Why am I always stuck at the bottom?!"  
  
Yami's voice responded. "That's just the way it works, Joey."  
  
"Yeah but I thought that with Yuge here I would get higher, but here I am, still underneath both of you guys!"  
  
Tristan gave an involuntary shudder at the thought of what they were doing and quickly left.  
  
Inside, the boys continued with their-you guessed it-game of 'chutes and ladders.'[2] ~ ~ ~ Seto brushed off his dark blue trench coat and headed for the door. He opened it and immediately felt three sharp raps on his head that were meant for the door. He sneered at the brunette who had done it. "Out of my way, Taylor."  
  
"Sorry, I was hoping you wouldn't be busy."  
  
The CEO's eyes grew slightly wider at the suggestion in the teen's voice. He was apparently looking for a lie-in. As seme. No way, no how he was letting that happen. "Well, for your information, I'm on my way to see the puppy [3] right now."  
  
"Okay then." Tristan sighed as Seto hurried past him. Then yet another idea popped into his head. Tea! He pulled out his cell phone and started dialing. 555-61-. He instantly stopped and smacked his forehead. What am I thinking? I must be desperate! He walked down to his motorcycle, stuck his key in the ignition, and turned it. Nothing happened. Oh, great. Now I have to walk home.  
  
He began trudging along the road, in the now dark. After about a half an hour, he ran into Malik. Literally. "Oh, hi Malik! Sorry about that." someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around. It was Yami Malik. Holding a carrot. Trying, and failing rather badly, to make a joke, Tristan said, "What's up, doc?"  
  
"DIE!" With the magnificent battle cry, Yami Malik lunged at Tristan with the carrot, impaling him in the chest with it. Tristan fell onto his back, dead.  
  
Malik walked over. "Why did you kill him?"  
  
"Since when have I needed a reason to kill someone before?" He retorted.  
  
"You don't need a reason," The sandy-blonde explained, "I was just wondering."  
  
Yami Malik sighed, "All right, if you must know, I didn't want him to steal you from me, Aibou."  
  
Malik quickly glomped his dark side, then, just as quickly, stood up and brushed himself off. He eyed the carrot mischievously. A twitch came from the body that was Tristan, as Malik pulled the carrot from it. He held it up and examined it for several seconds, plotting evilly.  
  
"Let's go home, yami," Malik pulled Yami Malik off the ground, then, held up the carrot and began laughing derisively. "This has possibilities." [1] yes, only his head [2] I know what you were thinking, Hentai! [3] puppy! a.k.a. you know who Tunisa:.? Kokoru: Why are *you * confused? Tunisa: Because I don't remember writing any of that..; Kokoru: . Yami Malik: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs by screaming and waving arms* Malik: * chasing after him, waving carrot* Wait! I just wanted to make a salad! *smirks evilly* Tunisa & Kokoru: *sweatdrops* That's SICK, Malik! 


	3. The Funeral

Ch. 3 the funeral  
  
Disclaimer: .Yu-Gi-Oh isn't mine * sob* I wanted to own it!!! =( Kokoru: *pats Tunisa on back* there, there, Aibou.have this.* hands her Ryou* Ryou: .? Tunisa: *does a happy squeal and snuggles Ryou* thank you, koko-chan! ^^: Kokoru: Koko-chan? Bakura: *walks over angrily* Give back my aibou! .;;; Tunisa: *still snuggling, doesn't respond* Bakura: * tries to pull Ryou away but the death hug is unbreakable* LET GO! Kokoru: *coaxingly* let go of him, Aibou. You still have to introduce the guest-stars for the chapter. Tunisa: Oh yeah! *runs into next room with Ryou and locks door* Now introducing: PAIGIE-CHAN and MEGGIE-CHAN!!! Paige: *appears out of large puff of glittery blue smoke* hello.? Tunisa, what are we doing in here? Meg: *appears out of large puff of sparkly green smoke* hi Tunisa: *shrugs* hiding, I guess *points at door, where Kokoru and Bakura are trying to get in* Paige: *nods and smiles, like she understands* I see. Meg: .*begins running around like a person that belongs in an insane asylum* Tunisa: Paigie-chan and Meggie-chan are the special guest-stars in this chapter! We all make special appearances! Paige: *nods and smiles again, like she understands* Tunisa: here, hold this tight *hands Ryou to Paigie-chan* Ryou: LET ME GO! *sobs* Paige: * pets him and holds tightly* Tunisa: *glares at Paigie-chan* Not that tight! Paige: Fine! *loosens grip slightly* Tunisa: *sighs and pulls laptop out of back pocket and begins conversing in wild monkey gibberish with her imaginary green monkey named 'Schlep' for ideas* Schlep: ee ee oh! (I'm a zebra!) Paige: hey, he's not yours! It's from the book 'Zink'! Meg: *glomps imaginary green monkey* Tunisa: *ignores and starts chapter* Warnings: again, do not read this if you a big Tristan fan, I'm warning you (hence the word 'warning')  
  
The church was quiet. They all waited for the dead-looking preacher to begin. Kokoru, Meg, Paige, and Tunisa sat in the back, not even pretending to care about the dead person in the casket in the front of the large room, instead discussing rather important anime-ish matters. At least every one else was pretending to care! Malik shout impatiently, "Hurry up! We're not paying you to stand up there and stay silent!"  
  
The preacher coughed and said, in an old withered voice, "Young man, you all happen to be paying me in candy corn, so I will take as long as I very well wish." A chain of coughs began and didn't end. Soon he collapsed to the floor and with one last almighty hack, a large pinkish organ that must have been his stomach spewed onto the floor. Yami quickly covered his hikari's eyes, which was not easy to do, since they were so big [1]. Joey, Malik, and Yami Malik instantaneously got up and rushed over to poke at the stomach lying on the floor.  
  
Yami glared at them, angrily. "WOULD YOU GET THAT OUT OF HERE!" The three eeped and carried the body out of the building. Yami freed Yugi's eyes. The cute little boy smiled up at his darker half. "You're funny, Yami!" he giggled impishly.  
  
The boys walked back in. Joey looked like he had been thinking about something, which was never a good sign. "Who's goin' to perform the ceremony, you guys?"  
  
For some unknown reason [2], everyone in the room pointed to Yami. He was confused and pointed to himself. "Who me?"  
  
Everyone replied, "Yes you."  
  
"Couldn't be!"  
  
"Then who? [3]"  
  
He couldn't think of whom else to pick, so instead, he shrugged and walked up to the front podium. Instinctively, he flipped through the large book in front of him until he thought he had the right page. Yami began to read aloud, in his deep, very sexy voice. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of these two happy lovers."  
  
Everyone sweatdropped at the pharaoh's mistake. Tunisa ran up to help the confused yami to find the correct page (not Paige). Together they found it swiftly and Tunisa sat back down. He rebegan, "We are gathered here today to release the soul of 'name here' to another, happier place."  
  
No one really paid attention. Therefore, when a small, soggy ball of paper landed on Tristan's cheek it went unnoticed. So did the second, and the third, and even the fourth. Joey began to snicker and they all looked at him. He speedily put the spit ball spitter behind his back. After they had looked away, he fired another, which landed on Yami's forehead, making him stop in mid-sentence. Yami picked the thing off his forehead and, not knowing what it was, sniffed it. It had no smell. So he gave it a little lick and muttered to himself, "Tastes familiar." he shrugged off the awkward feeling, and droned on, "We all hope that he rests well in where ever he goes. Amen."  
  
It took a second, but soon everyone muttered in response, "Amen." They were free to wander now. It was time to take turns visiting the body. Yugi and Yami went up first, while everyone else stuck around for their turn, and refreshments.  
  
Yugi's curiosity contiguously got the better of him. He gently poked the corpse several times before his darker half noticed. "Oh, Aibou, don't poke him! Why don't you go over with the others? I'll be over in a second." Yugi wandered off, cutely. Yami turned back to the body of Tristan. He suddenly became very reminiscent of the psycho Yami from the first season of Yu-Gi- Oh. "Yes, Aibou, don't poke him! SLAP HIM! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The psycho raised back his arm and FWAP, right on Tristan's face. Then Yami coughed, regaining his composure, and he walked over to join his adorable light side.  
  
The pretty blonde, whom you may or may not know as Mai, was next. She walked up casually carrying her glass of punch. After examining him for a mere second, she did an unnecessary acting job and spilt the glass's contents on him. She added monotonously, "Oh, no. I spilt my juice. What-a- shame." A vague smile graced her lips as she walked away.  
  
Slowly, Téa approached the casket. She looked in at the unliving brunette, and tears began to fill her eyes. "WHY?!" she yelled out and the sound reverberated off the high ceiling. Everyone stared at her as she began to weep heavily, directly over Tristan's body. "Why did you have to go?! I loved you, Tristan!" she shook his shoulders violently, as if she were trying to awaken him. "NO! Tristan! How could you leave me?! Please, come back!" Mai walked over to Téa and slowly led her away. "My love! My eternal LOVE!" then she was out of the room.  
  
Seto eyed the girls as they left, and sauntered over to the coffin. He did a once over of the body and quickly descried what he was looking for. The deck. He slipped it out of the dead teen's jacket pocket and began to look through the assorted cards, murmuring as he took note of each one. "Have it- have it -have it." Every card. He went through the deck once. Twice. There was nothing. Nothing! "Curse you Tristan Taylor!" He threw the cards at the cadaver [4] and they splattered on his face. Seto raised his head and stalked back to the crowd.  
  
Malik sneaked over to the casket. He shifted his eyes back and forth, making sure no one was spying. He stood up and put all the power he could into his foot. With an almighty grunt, he kicked the coffin. "OW!" Pain jumped into his foot. He held it up and hopped back to everyone else. Yami Malik ran over to his light. "Would you like me to kiss it to make it better, Aibou?"  
  
"No," Malik protested, "It won't help if you kiss it." He searched frantically for someone. "Where's Bakura?"  
  
Yami Malik whimpered. "That hurts, Aibou!"  
  
Bakura walked over at the mention of his name and saw that Malik had said it. He quickly stuck out his foot as Malik hopped forward. The blonde got caught on the outstretched foot and fell onto his face. Bakura snickered and walked back to Ryou.  
  
Yami Malik shook his head and helped his hikari off the ground. He then strolled to the casket where Tristan laid. A permanent black Sharpie [5] marker was pulled from his pocket. He glanced around to check his privacy. No one was watching. He pulled off the cap, but kept it in hand. Carefully he wrote on the forehead of the deceased. Soon the evil being stood back to admire his work. It said, 'I am a derty boyfreind steeler!' He nodded with satisfaction and ran back to swoon over Malik.  
  
Bakura saw his 'friend' running away from the carcass of Tristan and figured it was his turn. He walked over slowly, plan long since formulated. He slipped the pen out of his pocket. On the side of the pen it said, 'mysterious pen of the shadow realm that isn't very mysterious at all." He clicked it once. Then again. Then again. The fiend clicked the pen furiously. The entire group looked over at him. "What?" he rebutted. They looked away. He clicked the pen one last time so that the tip was out. His arm held high above Tristan. He jammed the pen exactly where the heart was. And brought his fist back and stabbed him again. And again. Several more times until he felt better and he left the pen in the body. With an appeased grin, he walked back to his aibou.  
  
Kokoru, who was tired of not being mentioned yet, strided up to Tristan. She took out her handbag and began to search through it. Soon she found what she had been looking for. She pulled the small compact mirror out of her pocket and opened it up, pulling the small puff out and dabbing some on his face. After a sufficient amount was applied, Kokoru began to scrounge through her bag and found a tube of hot pink lipstick, carnation pink lip liner, a light pink blush, a pad of tickle-me-pink eye shadow, pearly pink nail polish, bright pink nail decals, flamingo-pink clip-on earrings, and a powder pink [4] hair ribbon. She giggled demonically and added all the make- up and accessories. Looking over the 'pretty in pink' body, Kokoru practically squealed with delight. "So KAWAII!" Over-filled with joy, she near skipped back to her group.  
  
Paige smirked at Kokoru being done and approached his body calmly. She, too, began looking through her bag and found a small sewing kit. She picked out the best matching pins, namely the pink ones, and gathered them in her hand. After putting the rest of the kit away, Paige counted the seven pins in her hand, and strategically plotted them in her mind. The first two were stuck centered above each of Tristan's eyes. Five were left. One went through the tip of his nose. Two were placed at the corners of his mouth. The last were randomly placed on his forehead and chin. She stood back and began to smile and nod, as if she knew exactly what she had just done. She continued doing so, as she walked back to her friends.  
  
A third member of the group, Meg, began to cackle loudly, attracting the attention and the sweatdropping, of everyone in the church. She ran outside, and returned in several moments carrying, none other than, a flaming stop sign. The raving lunatic took several laps inside the building. No one questioned where the stop sign came from, mainly because of the squealing and large crashing sound not too much later. Soon Meg ran up to Tristan's body, and glared at him a second, before raising the small end of the stop sign high above him. She gave one last laugh then impaled him with the flaming stop sign. She ran around the church continuously, laughing insanely. No one dared try to stop her.  
  
Tunisa sweatdropped, before walking up to the body and narrowing her glowing, red, angry eyes at him. She snapped on two long rubber gloves, not wanting to get any nasty Tristan germs on her. Tunisa padded him down, listening for a certain sound. The jingling reached her ears and she dug into his pocket to find what she had been looking for. "THE KEYS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the keys glittered in her grasp. They were the keys to his motorcycle. She ran out and the starting of an engine was heard. Kokoru, Paige, and Meg, who had indeed stopped running, stared blankly back and forth at one another. After a brief pause, they ran out after her yelling, "Wait for us, Tunisa!"  
  
No one paid attention to their dismissal, other than sighing with relief that the lunatics were gone. Ryou noticed that the spot by Tristan's casket was empty. In a very un-Ryou-like way he edged up to the corpse, dug his hand into his own pocket and pulled out a normal-sized pack of matches. The teen quickly ripped out one of the small cardboard matches. He struck it against the box, but nothing happen. It was a dud. Ryou tried again with the next match and found another dud. He continued the process of lighting what must have been extremely cheap matches until there was but one left. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he carefully pulled the last match from the box and swiftly struck it against the box. It lit! He looked gratefully at the burning fire before chucking it onto the body.  
  
Tristan's baby blue polyester suit hastily caught fire, the smell of burning flesh filling the room like pig on a barbecue. Unfortunately, as the fire grew, it caught onto nearby objects, then setting fire to other things. Soon the entire room was burning, sending ash and smoke into everyone's lungs. The yamis grabbed their hikaris and ran out of the building, followed closely by the rest of the gang.  
  
But within moments, Joey ran back into the building screaming, "Cake! Cake! Cake!" He grabbed the large cake and ran back out of the burning church. Outside, Meg, Kokoru, Tunisa, and Paige were happily roasting marshmallows, obviously attracted by the flames that resembled hell, and the fact that they enjoyed a good toasted marshmallow.  
  
Floating above the service all along had been Tristan. Or his spirit at least. He had been watching the entire service and was so happy that his friends paid so much attention to him. But as soon as Joey had run back in for cake, Tristan wanted some too. He flew down to his body and possessed it, jumping out of the coffin and screaming as he ran out, "Wait for me, guys!" 


End file.
